Guides

Tantra – Spice for your Sex Life

When I come across the word tantra, I automatically think of incense sticks, sarongs with batik print, the philosophies of the East, and slowness.

But what about tantric sex? How does it really unfold in practice? And do you have to be particularly spiritual to jump on the bandwagon?

If you’re also wondering what tantric sex is, read on as I try to make both of us a little wiser on what the ‘spice of sex life’ actually tastes like.

Tantra – What Does It Mean?

The word tantra is Sanskrit for ‘weave’, and it fits very well with its meaning of weaving all the things and experiences that fill our lives together into something meaningful.

Tantra is also the notion of energy running through the body. If you are already familiar with yoga, you may also have heard of chakras.

A naked back and a lot of small crystals

The body has 7 primary chakras that roughly sit in a straight line like the spine. The lower chakra is the root chakra, which sits between the genitals and the anus, and the top is the crown chakra, which sits on top of your head.

The sexual energy flows through your body and chakras in the same way that the blood flows in the blood vessels.

And speaking of sexual energy, let’s put all cards on the table.

Tantric Sex

For many of us, sex is something very physical. It’s about touch, erectile tissue, and chemical reactions in the brain.

It’s also muscle contractions, the secretion of fluids, and sounds produced with or by the body.

But tantric sex is also spiritual. It’s two opposite poles that meet and share each other’s energy. Ying meets yang.

A person holding a candle with both hands

In tantric sex, you build on the sexual energy and enjoy its presence in the body. If you’re a woman, you are allowed to have one orgasm after the other, but if you’re a man, you should preferably avoid ejaculation. That’s because it’s a way to dissipate the energy, and the energy should preferably stay in the body.

With training and patience, you can learn to have an orgasm without ejaculating. And in this way you can orgasm again and again, just like the female partner.

Massage candles, massage oil, tickling feathers, and small flowers lying on an orange background

How Do You Do It?

Some have a notion that tantric sex is all about Kama Sutra, but you don’t have to worry about acrobatic adventures at all.

If you want to experiment with tantric sex with your partner, you can create the right mood with relatively few tools.

The back of a person holding a tickling feather above their head

The Physical Environment

Make sure the bedroom (or whatever room you want to explore in) is clean and tidy. It’s also a good idea to check if the temperature is comfortable. It shouldn’t be so hot that you melt away, but warm enough that you don’t freeze without clothes on.

To get your senses into play, you can, for example, light an incense stick, a scented candle, or a massage candle. Maybe you also want to put on some gentle music.

You can also make sure that there is some food and drink present. In the world of tantra, there are certain foods such as meat and fish that are suitable for the event. Wine is also fitting as a symbol of the intoxication of the bodies.

You can therefore drink to the experience with a nice glass of Barolo.

Lighted massage candles and some massage oil in a wooden box

Let the Energy Flow

Once the physical environment is sorted, you and your partner can get started with what it’s really all about.

You can sit close together to be completely connected. One of you can sit in a cross-legged or lotus position (typically the male in a male/female relationship), and the other can sit on top with their legs around their partner’s body, so that your faces face each other.

Some meditate before, but you don’t have to if it’s not your thing. However, you won’t get around getting in real contact with each other.

When you sit together, make sure to keep eye contact, and consider putting a hand on each other’s hearts. See if you can synchronize your breathing so that it flows effortlessly in the same way for both of you.

This is also how the energy will flow.

Person lying on their stomach with a lit candle on their back

Enjoy Each Other

When you’re connected to each other, then you’re ready to have sex.

And remember: That doesn’t mean diving straight into penetrative sex.

Why not enjoy the connection you have created while giving each other massages, a lot of gentle caresses with a tickling feather, deep kisses, and spoiling each other slowly.

Tantric sex is not over in twenty minutes. It can easily take several hours, so take your time to give in to each other.

The goal is not to have an orgasm. As I briefly mentioned before, the man should preferably avoid ejaculating.

But again, it’s COMPLETELY up to you if that makes sense. I’m sure that you can easily have a wonderful and tantra-like experience, even if there is ejaculation.

Lighted massage candles, massage oil, and Buddha figures

Is Tantra for Everyone?

You don’t have to believe in or practise Eastern philosophies. You also don’t have to indulge in incense and meditation if it gets too much for you.

I believe in doing whatever works. What makes sense to you.

To me, it makes sense to hand-pick the things that seem attractive. The slowness, the presence, and the connection to either myself or a partner.

Having solo sex and a Wednesday shag can easily turn into a routine, so for me the tantric mindset is a reminder that sex is much more than chasing a climax. It’s about the journey, not the destination, you know.

A lit massage candle, massage oil, and a tickling feather lying in a wooden box

Salt, Pepper and Tantra

There are many ways to innovate and develop yourself.

You can go to the hairdresser and get a new frill. You can learn Spanish in an evening course if you have unimaginable amounts of spare energy.

You can also improve the things in life that already work—you don’t have to invent something new every time.

This could be trying out adding a bit of dark chocolate to your meat sauce. Or you visiting a new taverna the next time you’re on summer holiday in Crete.

But what do you do in the bedroom? Do you keep in mind that sometimes your sex life also needs a bit of new spice?

This can be added in many ways. Sex toys are obvious (and recommended!), but you can also explore role-playing games, fetishes, and—as you might already have guessed – tantra.

And I’ll say it just one more time for charity.

Hand-pick the elements that make sense to you (and your partner). Whether it’s scented candles, slowness, eye contact, or full body orgasms—play with the possibilities tantric sex offers.

A tickling feather, a Buddha figure, two bottles, and small crystals standing together