Did you know that the easiest orgasm for most vagina-owners to achieve is the clitoral orgasm? It is a so-called peak orgasm, which comes from tensing up the body and afterwards leaves us completely relaxed in the body.
For many, a clitoral orgasm is characterised by a peaked and intense orgasm. However, it can also be built up over prolonged, controlled teasing, which leads to a more explosive orgasm.
During the orgasm itself, the clitoris contracts in pumping motions. A clitoral orgasm typically lasts between 10 and 30 seconds with 3 to 16 contractions.
An orgasm can be achieved in several ways. First of all, you can give yourself one by either using your fingers or by using sex toys. Or you can be stimulated by your partner.
But first let’s look at what the clitoris actually is and where it’s located.
How to Find the Clitoris
The clitoris is a small but very sensitive organ located at the top of the external genitalia of all mammalian females, including the human female. It lives right where the labia meet.
However, it can look very different from person to person- just like a penis does. And when a woman gets aroused, it fills with blood and expands – just like a penis. But unlike the penis, it has only one purpose: sexual gratification. Perhaps that’s why it has as many as 8000 nerve endings (a penis head, by comparison, only has about 4000). This means that no other human organ is as sensitive.
However, the visible part of the clitoris is only the tip of the iceberg; the largest part is hidden inside the body. In fact, it continues to grow, as do the ears and nose, and it grows to be just over 8 cm long. When a vagina-owner reaches menopause, the clitoris will be about five times as large as it was during adolescence.
Fun Fact! We all begin life as females in the early foetal stage, and only once the foetus is almost 12 weeks old will it develop a penis – if it is male, of course. Therefore, no matter which biological sex you are, you have had a clitoris. If you are male, yours has just developed into a penis head instead. The two organs even behave quite similarly. When they become stimulated, they both become stiff and swell as they fill with blood.
The Road to a Clitoral Orgasm
For many without the little gem, it’s a bit of an enigma, and it takes a bit of finesse to satisfy it. But we promise it’s worth it. When it’s fully aroused, the whole area is almost insatiable for touch, and its lucky owner can have several orgasms in a row.
Below are our tips on how you can find your way to “hallelujah”.
Psst! If you are curious about which part of the brain is connected to the clitoris and why that knowledge is part of the solution to the orgasm gap, you will find all the answers in this blog post: Clitoris on the Mind.
Clitoral Orgasm: You Can Do It Yourself
The key to getting a clitoral orgasm lies in using both sound, movement and breathing. Sounds such as mmmmm and ahhhhhhh help to open the body up and make it receptive to orgasms.
The same goes for breathing, which also helps to build up orgasmic energy. So don’t hold back on the moaning and heavy breathing!
Movement of the body is also important when you want to achieve a clitoral orgasm. This could be a little hip wiggle or touching your breasts – if your partner doesn’t touch them, do it yourself!
See our tips for clitoral orgasms with sex toys later in the article.
If You Want to Give Your Partner Clitoral Massage
If you want to give your partner a clitoral massage, keep in mind that it is just a single organ belonging to an entire human body. Therefore, start by talking to your partner about what feels nice and ask for feedback when you touch her.
Ask for example, “Like this?”, “How does it feel?”, “Harder or softer?”. Not only is it a great way to find out what works for your partner, it can also develop into a super sexy addition to the massage that might even result in a clitoral orgasm.
Some have a clitoris so sensitive they would rather not have it touched at all. Others will want a more firm circular motion and a relatively hard pressure against the pubic bone. Still others would rather not touch it directly, but enjoy sliding movements to the left and right of the clitoris.
Get to know your partner, start out gentle, keep an eye on her response – and use what you learn to give her a clitoral massage that makes the heavens sing.
Of course, you also have the option of including a finger vibrator to assist you along the way.
Work Slowly Towards the Goal
As I said, it’s always a good idea to start out gently. Start by touching other erogenous zones, as far away from the pearl as possible, and work towards it as your partner becomes more and more aroused. Start with kisses and tongue-teasing, move down over her body, and use your hands to touch and caress along the way.
Slow down, and as you approach, slow down even more. Linger on her stomach, hips and inner thighs. Touch and lick her pubic bone as you slowly approach. But try to steer clear of the clitoris for as long as she can handle it. The purpose is to move the blood flow to the area, which will heighten arousal, so her ultra-sensitive bud becomes more susceptible to touch – and open to a clitoral orgasm.
As your partner gets aroused, the clitoris will swell and perhaps even emerge more clearly. If your partner is ready for it, you can now try a gentle, direct touch. But keep in mind that some still prefer indirect touches – try circular motions around the clitoris or rubbing motions to one side or the other, for example. Ask your partner what feels best.
Begin with light, gentle touches. You can always increase the pressure, speed and intensity depending on how your partner responds. Remember, it’s always better to wait for your partner to ask for more – too much stimulation can make her tense in her body, and it can also make her numb down there. It takes time to give a good clitoral massage, so let it take the time it takes – we promise it only gets better.
When going for a clitoral orgasm, lube is your most important ally. A good, soft lubricant helps reduce friction and at the same time provides a little padding between your own and your partner’s skin.
Of course, you can also use your partner’s own natural lubrication, but we recommend that you always have a good lubricant on hand. For example, try the water-based lubricant from Kaerlig, which is made from organic ingredients.
Pay Attention to Body Language
Your partner’s body language is one of the best tools you can use to assess whether or not your charm offensive is working. Listen to your partner’s breathing. Is it getting faster? Does she moan with pleasure, or has she suddenly become silent? This will help you decide whether to continue what you are doing or whether to speed up, slow down or ask for more feedback.
You can also look for other physical signals. Is your partner pushing her body against you? Is she spreading her legs to get closer to you? Or does she get tense and pull away?
Your partner’s body speaks loudly. If you look closely, pay attention to what it tells you and learn to adapt, or ask questions when in doubt.
Turn Up the Volume
When the clitoris is well and thoroughly turned on, many can handle a lot more pressure, friction and speed. If your partner is close to reaching this point, it may be a good time to really step up the intensity.
What that means, of course, depends on your partner. If she prefers external stimulation, you can turn it up a notch and try more friction, vibration and pressure or a combination of the whole package.
You can also add internal stimulation, for example with a penis or a dildo. Some will enjoy stimulation of the G-spot at this point, and in fact, the G-spot will be much more receptive to pressure and touch once the clitoris fully aroused.
The rest of your partner’s body will be less sensitive when she’s fully aroused, so it may be a good idea to try a little more rough play around other erogenous zones such as the abdomen, breasts and butt.
Stress is Not the Way to a Clitoral Orgasm
If you’ve managed to charm your way all the way to explosive clitoral orgasm, well, then you won’t be in any doubt. But if there’s one thing that’s not charming, it’s pushing to get there. In order to really stimulate a clitoral orgasm, you need to make your partner feel absolutely amazing – with no other goal in mind.
In fact, there can be many reasons why a clitoral orgasm just is not going to happen that day – factors such as stress, illness, mood, medication and much more come into play. So take it easy, your partner’s orgasm is not about you.
Your job is to make her clitoral orgasm possible, but be prepared that it may not happen every time. Maybe the delicious anticipation of your kisses and touches are enough to carry her over for next time.
After the Clitoral Orgasm
A clitoral orgasm can be an intense – and even deeply emotional – experience. Once it’s over, it can be helpful to give your partner a little extra care and attention. In other words, it’s time to hug and cuddle.
Make sure your partner feels comfortable, safe and well taken care of. This cements your role as her lover and helps your partner gently come down from her orgasmic cloud in the most comfortable way possible.
Clitoral Orgasm with Sex Toys
Learning to give a good clitoral massage with your hands (or from your partner’s mouth) is an important sexual skill that you should definitely learn. That being said, there is nothing wrong with getting a little help from modern technology.
Clitoral vibrators are specially designed to give you a clitoral orgasm, and they do the job excellently and very efficiently – for most people. They can be especially useful if you have difficulty reaching climax. With a vibrator, you can spice up the game, and also give your hand/tongue a break.
Try, for example, a rechargeable vibrator from the Scandinavian brand Velve. With its velvety soft surface, it provides plenty of intense clitoral orgasms.
A vibrator can really help to give you clitoral orgasms. But it’s also important to note that you can overstimulate your clitoris if you use the vibrator too much. It may be a good idea to take a break from that particular sex toy for a few weeks to maintain sensitivity so you can still come through gentle touch, for example from your fingers and tongue.
If you are very sensitive, a stimulator can also be a good solution, as these do not touch the clitoris directly but instead use air pressure waves to produce a clitoral orgasm. It feels absolutely amazing and much deeper than traditional vibrators. For example, you might try the exclusive Womanizer Premium; it is considered the Rolls Royce of sex toys.
If you need a little something extra to satisfy, you may want to check out the more powerful vibrator category: the Magic Wand. These powerful vibrators are designed to stimulate deeply. If you can tolerate a very high degree of intensity, this type of toy can provide a thoroughly mind-blowing orgasm.
The Difference Between a Clitoral Orgasm and a Vaginal Orgasm
Vagina-owners are able to orgasm by stimulating many different body parts, including the clitoris, vagina, G-spot, anus and even nipples – and none of them feel the same. Some can have all types of orgasms, others only some and others have difficulty experiencing an orgasm at all.
Remember that everyone is different and there is no one-size-fits-all for orgasms. That said, the vast majority can (thankfully) achieve their climatic goals through practice and patience.
The question most people ask, however, is what is the difference between a clitoral orgasm and vaginal orgasm. In general, the vaginal orgasm requires more practice and experience than a clitoral orgasm.
The reason for this is that a clitoral orgasm is primarily achieved by external stimulation, whereas the vaginal orgasm is primarily achieved by internal stimulation, either by means of a penis, dildo or fingers. It is associated with stimulation of the G-spot and activation of the muscles in the pelvis.
How to Increase the Sensitivity of the Clitoris
If you’re one of the ones who do not find your clitoris particularly sensitive, there are actually a few things you can do to increase sensitivity in the area.
There can be several reasons why it is less sensitive, but one of the most common causes is a pelvic injury. This happens frequently to school-age girls during play; they may fall onto a horisontal bar on the playground, on their bike or the balance beam at gymnastics. That type of damage can be a major impediment to sensitivity later in life.
If something similar has happened to you, we can recommend acquiring a very powerful magic wand. Use it 2-3 times a week for approx. 6 minutes. Start out by using it on top of your panties or use a good lubricant to protect the skin.
When you first start using the magic wand, you may not feel that much, but over time, it will break down the scar tissue that the body has formed to protect the nerve endings in your clitoris and they will start to wake up again.
Use it for shorter or longer periods, depending on what feels right for you. Continue treatment for 6-8 weeks, after which you should begin to feel the reaction. What you’re actually doing here is physiotherapy for the pelvis.
Another thing you can try is to activate your clitoris more during sex or masturbation. Open yourself up more by pulling the labia apart or by pulling the clitoral hood (skin fold around the clitoris) back towards the navel.
You can also try a peppermint-based oil or an orgasm gel. Put a small blob on your finger and rub it onto the area around the clitoris. A clitoral pump can also help increase sensitivity by creating a vacuum in the area, causing it to swell and increase blood flow.
Don’t Rush for a Clitoral Orgasm
It is important that you do not rush a clitoral orgasm. You may have an expectation of how the perfect clitoral orgasm should be and how it should feel to be “right”. But it’s important to realise that there are no “right” or “wrong” orgasms – they will always be different. It can be anything from a small contraction to a stronger feeling that will spread throughout the body.
If you’re set on a very specific idea of what a clitoral orgasm should feel like, you can only end up disappointed. It is essential that you are happy with where you are. That you love yourself and let this be the starting point.
If your starting point is associated with frustration and dissatisfaction at not being able to have a clitoral orgasm, then you’ll continue to run into the same wall again and again – it will most likely prevent you from ever having a clitoral orgasm.
So don’t rush to get the clitoral orgasm, but instead let your curiosity about it be your starting point. And then remember that you must love all your orgasms – the small ones, the powerful ones and even the ones that you do not get. It’s about being present in the body, being present in the now – because otherwise you won’t notice what is actually happening in the body along the way.
Most important of all is that you do not lose faith. Play, explore and discover your body and you’ll find your way to YOUR pleasure.