Guides

Gentle dominance for beginners

Have you and your partner built love, trust, and a solid relationship over a long period of time? Congratulations!

Does that mean your routines take up more space than romance? Probably. At least, that’s how it is for most people.

Everyday life does, after all, take up most of our time, so if you want more shenanigans in your life, you better plan it.

In this regard, I would like to introduce you to gentle dominance: the obvious place to let go of the reins, let everyday life stay in the kitchen, and turn off the constant buzz in the back of your mind about shopping and cooking.

If you’re a beginner in the world of dominance, and your definition of it is a slap on the butt, then this is the blog post for you.

A pair of feet being tied with cuffs in bed

Who can explore gentle dominance?

The short answer is: everyone. 

If you’ve seen or read Fifty Shades of Gray, you know what it means when one party dominates the other.

Even though the films (and the books, of course) are first and foremost telling a romantic story, they have some basic elements that have inspired many to take a closer look at dominance. 

This doesn’t mean that you have to have a penthouse, a helicopter, or an entire basement filled to the brim with tools and velour. Less can also do the job!

When you’re in a sexual situation where one party dominates the other, it’s about giving in and letting yourself be (seduced). 

You don’t need to have read piles of BDSM guides or be wearing leather from head to toe. You need to feel good about the outfits you’re wearing, and you need to have talked about what can happen along the way.

Woman with whip keeping a man’s hands behind his back

What can gentle dominance do for you?

Gentle dominance can give you an experience you might not have had before. 

See it as a trip to an amusement park: It’s an active choice to spend a single day at exactly such a place. 

You’re both excited and expect to have a good day and a nice experience. 

When you’re there, you’ll find rides that you’d like to try more than once, and there are some that you know in advance are not for you. 

Nevertheless, you’ll find out if they live up to your expectations and if it’s a place you want to visit again. 

Gentle dominance can provide your relationship with the same. You don’t have to decide in advance whether you want to buy an annual pass or settle for a standard pass. 

When you choose to explore dominance, you create an opportunity to put everyday life on pause. And who couldn’t use a respite from packed lunches and laundry? 

It’s a space that requires you to be present and to be extra aware of each other’s signals and the fact that your trust is exposed. It’s a different way of being together.

A couple lying in bed with sex toys in front of them

How do you get started?

Start by matching expectations: Who should be the dominant party? What do you want to have happen? Are there any specific products that you would like to explore?

Make a date night out of it where you focus fully on each other, from the moment you start setting the table until you lie close together and talk about the experience. 

An obvious choice would be to wear nice lingerie from the brand NORTIE, which gives a sexy feeling. As a huge bonus, it’s also comfortable to wear.

It helps to set the mood for a date night, which may very well develop into more than red wine and leftovers. 

Whether you’re looking for a pair of black socks, a red bodystocking, or a blonde catsuit, you will easily find what suits the evening you have in mind. 

If you feel like having another evening with gentle dominance, there’s always a NORTIE outfit that fits. 

Psst! You can learn more about NORTIE lingerie in my review of selected styles.

A hand being tied tightly with cuffs in bed

Which products should you choose?

Don’t worry if you have difficulty selecting which products you’d like to use to explore dominance; there’s a solution to this. 

The obaie series has everything you need to pique your curiosity. 

If you’re thinking ‘a little of everything’, because it’s nice to have something to choose from, you should take a closer look at the obaie Kinky Bondage Set or maybe the obaie Take Control Bondage Set

Is it for you all about being tied up and spanked a little? 

There are various cuffs for both wrists and ankles with velcro or buckle closure. Both parts are suitable for beginners, but the versions with velcro closure are often softer, and they are faster to adjust. We recommend this soft model from obaie.

With a flogger, you can strike so that it can be felt, but without causing great pain. The pain teases the nerve endings on the skin, so the more and the harder you hit, the clearer it is to feel. This flogger from obaie is perfect for beginners. 

If you want to try hard, firm strokes reminiscent of slapping with a flat hand, then you need to get a paddle. See it as an extension of the hand that can hit and feel different.

Woman with cuffs and blindfold lying in a bed with sex toys

An experience richer

When you talk about it afterwards, there may be different impressions that need to be digested.

Did it go as you had hoped? Was it anything other than a fun play? Should it be more than a one-time event?

New thoughts and ideas may arise that may make you want to take a closer look at other forms of sexual interests. 

Either way, you have explored something new together, and hopefully it has provided inspiration for more play and new experiences.

Woman holding a whip on a man’s chest